The iPhone 5S’s fingerprint scanner has generated a lot of controversy. Some have suggested the design is awkward to use with one hand, while others have questioned the feature’s security. Some people are concerned that a database of fingerprints will be created for nefarious purposes.
Doubters may eventually come around to the scanner, or they may not. But one thing’s for sure: they will try to use Touch ID to unlock their phones with their genitals. That’s just human nature.
Here’s, uh… that… and six other things people have discovered they can use to unlock the iPhone 5S.
This man has discovered the previously unknown purpose of male nipples. Clearly evolution was just waiting for technology to catch up.
Your toe prints are unique, just like your fingerprints. So yeah, you can unlock your phone with your toes. You can also grasp small objects and scratch an itch on your face with your toes. But you don’t, and there’s a reason for that.
The thing that surprises me the most about this isn’t that a cat’s paw print can unlock an iPhone, but that someone managed to get a cat to hold still for long enough to do it.
Hello? Yes, this is dog.
This is actually kind of useful. In cold weather, you could unlock your phone with your nose instead of having to take off your gloves. Hopefully you haven’t already tried unlocking your phone with your toes, though. Gross.
According to at least one report, an iPhone 5S can be unlocked with a penis. Go ahead and try it out. The future is now!
Confirmed: You can add your penis as an authorized appendage to log into your iPhone 5s. This actually works.
— Roxor McPwnage (@gruesgripes) September 20, 2013
Bad news: a good picture of a fingerprint plus a little liquid latex and some moisture equals an unlocked iPhone 5S.
Good news: it’s probably pretty difficult to get such a high quality replica of your fingerprint.
Bad news: it may not be easy, but it can totally be done. Getting a high quality replica of your nipple, on the other hand, would require some James Bond-esque spy tricks. Just sayin’.